Uncomfortable.

Almost a month ago, the college I graduated from held their annual Revival Services. Two nights and two days of worship, guest speakers and hanging out with people who come from all over to be refreshed. This will have been my 5th year being able to go, 2 years as a student and 3 years outside. Every year I've gone in with huge hopes and a handful of requests- it’s funny how when we give a church service a special name and a time outside of Sunday morning, we come carrying so many more expectations. Some years I’ve been blown away by a revelation or the exact answer I needed, while other years, the last two in particular, it’s been more simply a breath of fresh air. My husband pinned it perfectly with the explanation, “we didn’t come away with a new car but we got our gas tank all filled up.” So revival services 2018, I didn’t receive any written-in-the-sky answers but I got a lot of tank filling, and one thought in particular that I can’t shake. During the second day morning service, our guest speaker made a comment that was passing and minute, not even necessarily a vital part of her message but it stuck out to me like a flashing neon sign. “God is looking for one person who is willing to be used for the uncomfortable.”

Something about the word uncomfortable caught my attention and got me thinking. All those who are truly living for God pray to be used by Him; it’s something I’ve been praying for years and especially of late but when I was stopped in my tracks by the thought ‘uncomfortable’, I realized that that wasn’t what I had been praying for. Yes, I was praying to be used but with each prayer I would subconsciously hand in a well thought out list of situations that I’d be best suited in for. All of the situations being acceptably comfortable for my personality of course. This new thought of praying to be used uncomfortably was foreign and it asked for so much more of my dependence and trust than I was used to offering. The thought refused to leave me and I started looking at it more. God constantly promises His joy, peace, love, strength and we could go on and on, but not once does God promises to keep us comfy and cozy. He does promise comfort in times of trouble but comfort in that sense is about consolation and is entirely different from the comfortability we seek. God doesn’t need people who are offering to be used in a way that doesn’t hinder their stability, he asks us for our full dependence, our full trust in his perfect self which inevitably turns out to be frought with stretching and going against our inclined wishes. Since that service, it’s something I’ve become very aware of and each time I think of it, my insecurities are right there with mile long excuses of why that brave prayer can’t be an option. Sure I can be used in my own house or on a call with a friend, maybe I could even be used to encourage the store cashier but that’s as far as I can go.

But what if God had some wild idea to use little old me to speak to someone so outside of my reach that it could only be done with His strength? What if more of us timid and comfortable craving people really started asking to be used as God wanted, holding all our own suggestions back and giving Him full access? How many hearts could be changed literally forever? It’s become my challenge now to be aware and intentional with praying for the uncomfortable, paired with God’s strength, in any situation that He may put in front of me. If we live life too safely, we will never know the thrill of seeing Christ work through us. Dare to pray for the bigger than you opportunities and leave the rest to God. His grace is made perfect in our weakness. (2corinthians12:19)