Made a way.

Well it has been a hot minute since I’ve posted or let alone sat to write anything even for myself; that being mainly due to the fact that I’m chasing a very energetic one year old around all day long. But in the past few weeks I got a case of the writing bug again and over multiple nap times I’ve taken the time to pull together this year to date, because my oh my, it has been a doozy.

Prepare yourself for a particularly long read and if that’s not your cup of tea, I will gladly share all these words just for my own keeping.

Now before I dive into the core of this post, let’s do a quick recap since it has been 8 days short of a year since I’ve shared anything. Life update, here we go:

-We had our son, Cade, a year+ ago now and it has been absolutely blissful. He is an unimaginable joy to our lives and we are on another level obsessed with him. I could actually write a book on how cool he is but for your sake just trust me when I say he is basically perfect and the most amazing and brilliant child I have ever known.

-In January of this year God opened the most random and surprising door for my husband and gave him a new job which benefits our family astronomically more than his previous job did.

-Then corona hit and the world shut down. Nothing new there.

That pretty much sums up August to May. In January God gave me the phrase “year of grace” as my focus for the year and it was of course, so necessary. Grace was needed all over as our family adjusted to a new job, it was needed to learn every new ebb and flow of parenting, and it was especially needed when the world crashed and every single thing felt unknown and unsafe.

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Moving on to May: the main reason I decided to stop and write today. May 2020 was a month like none other. It held one of the highest highs and without question, the lowest low I have ever experienced, but spoiler alert, the lowest low then turned into an unbelievable high too. And all of it happened in the sum of 14 days.

Let me start with the high. On May 18th, to our astonishment, we found out that I was pregnant again! Baby Olvera #2 is due late January and we are over the moon excited. This baby wasn’t necessarily a surprise but at the same time we were 100% shocked; I’ll explain.

Early this spring we started tossing around conversations of when we should start trying for baby #2. We knew for sure that we wanted our kids fairly close together so we agreed that since it had taken so long for us to get pregnant the first time and we had no idea if any of my cysts had returned etc, that we would start “trying/not trying” in May. Caleb was much more enthusiastic and excited than I because I was dealing with a lot of residual fears around trying to get pregnant. I was nervous to face potential x amount of negatives again or for it to never work at all.

I’ve shared before that my hatred of being an only child put the dread of infertility in me so young and that is what made the journey to Cade even more taxing. But even with a son in my arms I still had looming fears I had to fight almost weekly of

“What if I never get this again?"

"What if I can’t give him a sibling?"

"What if he’s alone forever too?”

It was another level of the battle that I had faced all of 2017/2018. It was a battle that made me feel horribly guilty, holding my own baby when there are still couples broken for just one, but being fraught with fear of never having more.

Once the plan to our second baby was established, I prayed desperately every day that God would carry my heart through however many months it would take and that this baby would come EXACTLY when it was supposed to. I do not have a doubt in my mind that Cade’s birth was time intricately by God; his entire story is laced with perfect timing, and that was my deepest desire for our next child too. That it wouldn’t be our choosing, it wouldn’t be a simple, “let’s grow our family now” and we do. I wanted God’s hand all over their story.

I was prepared to pray that every day for endless months but turns out I only had to for 30 days.

On May 17th at 6pm, Caleb was busy in the house and I had a suspicious feeling that I could not shake and I couldn’t stop myself from taking a pregnancy test. I grabbed it as it processed and snuck Cade into the bedroom with me while I waited. My timer went off and I pulled out the little stick and saw the faintest line. With shaking hands I stared until my eyes became blurry. It was evening so I was sure that had made a difference (you’re supposed to take pregnancy tests in the morning for the best results) but there was undoubtedly a line there. I started to quietly cry and I whispered to Cade that he was going to be a big brother.

When I was little I never got to hear words like that. Big sister was never spoken to me. I craved it more than words can explain and my heart has always held an ache over it. But in that moment of that tiny faint line showing up on a cheap paper stick test, all the achiness of 20+ years faded. The pain that had always lingered was in a moment replaced with unexplainable joy and gratitude as I got to say those words to our first baby about our new baby. It’s a moment he’ll be too little to remember but I will forever cherish.

With all the poise in the world I held it together the rest of the night because I wanted to wait and take another test early in the morning before I went through with the plan I had set to tell Caleb. The entire evening I avoided all eye contact with him to keep the secret stuffed inside even though I wanted to scream it out and I did not get more than an hour of sleep the entire night.

At 5am I couldn’t wait any longer. I snuck to the bathroom and took 3 more tests. Within minutes they all became positive. I cried again and with more shaking I started working on the surprise I planned for Caleb. I laid in bed waiting for hours more for Caleb & Cade to wake up, get ready etc, and it was torture. I sat there dreaming and planning for our newest family member and enjoying those moments of only us knowing.

Finally at 8:30am, Caleb was at the kitchen table working and I got myself and Cade dressed in our matching 5am DIY-ed t-shirts that said “Big Brother” and “Mama & Baby”. We casually walked out to the kitchen and just stood before him smiling.

The following moments were filled with confusion, shock, celebration, jumping and incessant smiling. We absolutely could not believe that it had taken only one month of not even trying when it was so long, so involved and felt so impossible before. Our babies have very different stories but both of them are miracles in their own way. When God healed my body and gave us Cade, he healed it entirely and it was astounding to me.

The rest of the day blurred by with dreaming, calling our families and cradling my stomach. That night as

we went to sleep I could not get over how good God had been to us. This baby is an evidence of healing and a fear defying gift straight from heaven.

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We’ll pause here for a short intermission. I was serious when I said this would be a lengthy read but I guess that’s how it goes when you don’t share for over a year.

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Ok, let’s get back to it.

We spent that first week with the new pregnancy news floating on cloud 9. Then everything came crashing down one week later.

I should back track real quick to fill in some important details I’ve left out.

Since the middle of January my husband had been experiencing terrible, debilitating migraines. They’d come and go but never fully went away and the slightest miss motion would set them off. We originally thought it was because he’d switched from an active warehouse job to staring at a computer all day but bluelight filters didn’t relieve anything and exercise only increased the intensity of the headaches.

Corona slowed down all doctors appts so it wasn’t until the same week that we found out about the new baby that he was able to get in. At that point it had been 5 full months of this pain. The doctor was confident that it was simply adult onset migraines but he scheduled an MRI scan to be safe.

The week after the appt Caleb went to the first scan and they called back with news that there was an extreme lack of blood flow to the right side of his brain. They weren’t sure why. They scheduled another MRI the next day.

Very shook up but clinging to the few possible outcomes that seemed less frightening, we told only close family and asked them to keep it to themselves. We wanted it to be a small, private thing that wasn’t made into a big deal until we knew what was going on. Then somehow, with one mother telling one friend, the word got out to literally hundreds of people. I’m not even exaggerating.

That evening we had gotten dozens of calls and texts from the randomest people letting us know they were praying. It was frustrating that it had leaked around but we reluctantly accepted the extra prayer.

We nervously went about the next day, waiting for the scan results. We went on a park date and felt forcefully hopeful. Then, late that evening Caleb’s doctor called him. With a very nervous voice he told him that he had a blood clot in the bottom of his right jugular vein in his brain. He warned him not to move suddenly, not to lift anything at all and to take it as easy as possible. One wrong move and a blood clot can dislodge, burst and kill you.

We sat on the couch for the remaining hours of the night. Shock turned to numbness, numbness wore into anger and anger led into crippling fear. We tried to read our bibles but I just couldn’t. Panic attacks raced through me for hours all while I tried to remain as calm as possible considering the circumstances for the sake of the teeny babe snuggled inside me.

Sleep came at some point but when I woke up the nightmare started swirling again. We had updated family and friends and by morning there were innumerable messages flooding my phone with “I’m so sorry” and “we’ll be praying.” Though appreciated, the messages made it that much more real and I couldn’t handle it.

I hid my phone and sullenly forced myself from bed to somehow face the day. I faked my way through most of the morning until the moment when Cade pulled at Caleb’s legs asking to be picked up and Caleb had to refuse him. He had to refuse him because if he picked up his son it could cause the blood clot to kill him. That was my breaking point. I fell into another panic attack, climbed into the shower and just stood shaking, only able to utter out the most desperate “please” I’ve ever prayed.

Caleb had another scan that day to determine the size of clot so the doctors could come up with the best attack plan, however we got no answers that day because it was a Friday and the results couldn’t be read until Monday. By 1pm on Friday though, something had switched.

When you hear the phrase, “Peace that surpasses all understanding”, it’s a common, appreciated perk of being a Christian but I have never experienced the full power of it until that day. Less than 24 hours after receiving earth shaking news, I felt a peace that I could not get rid of. And believe me, I tried. I felt nervous being so calm and peaceful and that stressed me out all on its own. But no matter what I did, our home was covered in a peace that was inescapable.

Knowing that it was useless to keep it to ourselves anymore, Caleb posted his situation on social media, to make sure everyone had the proper information and that it wasn’t getting passed around mixed up. The amount of calls and messages we’d received to that point were close to a hundred and that’s not counting the people who were praying without reaching out. We were coated in prayer and it was evidently felt.

Saturday, May 30, 2020, is a day that is burned in my memory.

We woke up, still feeling peaceful, though slightly nervous, and ready to skip the weekend so things could get moving to more answers, plans, and testing. Caleb had been complaining all morning of one of the worst headaches yet so he rested then showered to try and ward off the pain.

Meanwhile, I was feeling extremely nauseous thanks to baby, but I decided to take 15 minutes and do some devos since I had being so avoidant of them to that point. I only had time to read one chapter before Cade woke up but God directed me to the exact words that He wanted my heart to hold.

Isaiah 51:14-16 “He who is bowed down shall speedily be released; he shall not die or go down to the pit, neither shall his bread be lacking. I am the Lord your God, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar- the Lord of hosts is his name. And I have put my words in your mouth and covered you in the shadow of my hand, establishing the heavens and laying the foundations the earth, saying to Zion, You are my people.”

That verse packed a punch of peace and security that my soul was aching for. And its timing was

impeccable.

Not 30 minutes later Caleb came, sat at the kitchen table and told me that he thought we should go to the hospital. His pain had only increased and he kept saying something just didn’t feel right. I fearfully scurried to Cade’s room to gather his things. Unbeknownst to me, Caleb wrote out a goodbye note to me in his phone because he so felt like he was about to die.

As I was hurrying around the bedroom, Caleb started yelling my name, getting louder and more frantic each time. I burst into the kitchen and saw that his body had turned entirely gray. He weakly pushed his phone towards me and told me to call 911 and then his head fell into my hands.

The seconds whizzed and I have never felt such a level of fear. With 911 on speaker phone, I screamed at them what was happening, all while Caleb was grabbing my leg still yelling my name and repeating over and over again that he couldn’t see or hear. His eyes saw only black and he couldn’t hear a word I said. He started shaking and choking on his tongue. The ambulance lady said it sounded like a stroke which falls in line with blood clots.

Caleb passed out for several seconds then came too and threw up 4 times. After that his sight and hearing returned and some color came back. The whole episode was about 8 minutes long. The ambulance men got there but were very dismissive of me and told me not to come to the hospital because of Covid rules and because I was pregnant. Ignoring their utterly stupid suggestion, I turned to close the door and they started to drive away without telling me what hospital they were going to.

With rage and panic bowling in me, I drove off following that ambulance at an unlawful speed, driving like a mad woman because I was not about to lose where it was going. The entire drive I cried out the verses God had given me just an hour earlier, begging Him to be true to His word. I also threw out countless prayers of protection over baby. Stress is well known to cause miscarriage or damage to a baby especially so early on.

Driving behind that ambulance I have never known such helplessness. My husband and my unborn baby’s safety were entirely out of my control and I felt as though I could lose one or both at any moment’s notice.

Upon arriving at the hospital, they rushed Caleb inside but they refused to let me in. I fought, argued and pleaded but they would do no better than direct me back to my car and assure me that I could facetime his phone once things settled.

My sister in law met me and took Cade back to the house and once I was alone in the car with nothing to do but powerlessly wait, I broke into sobs, desperately trying to process what was going on. Somehow the word of what was happening had traveled so quickly that within the following 2 hours our phones received over 200 texts and calls. It was overwhelming but comforting.

Through mostly incoherent facetime, Caleb seemed much more himself but still very out of it and the doctors kept insisting that it was merely a bad headache. They did nothing more for him than give some medication and be adamant that he didn’t have a blood clot. I thought they were total idiots. They released him 4 hours later, diagnosing the episode as a migraine induced stroke and sent him home assuring us that it wouldn’t happen again because of the medication.

The following 2 days were spent resting, experiencing extreme ptsd trauma and watching Caleb every second of the day and night. That Monday he had an appt with the neurologist. At that appt our world was yet again rocked- in the best way.

Stunned and very unsure of how to give an explanation, the neurologist told Caleb that his first three scans show a very evident blood clot in his jugular vein; the fourth scan shows absolutely nothing. He even stated that the fourth scan you can tell there was an irritation where the blood clot was supposed to be as if something had been there, so they couldn’t even claim it as a misdiagnosis.

That fourth scan happened the day after Caleb announced the situation and asked for prayer.

The proof is in actual scans and images of Caleb’s brain, there was a blood clot threatening his life, and then just like that it was gone. God removed it in a moment.

He has had multiple checkups and even more scans in the past weeks to assure that nothing was missed or is resurfacing. Every doctor is stumped and there is no other explanation except that through prayer, God healed him and saved his life.

There is even so much more I could share on this side of it seeing how God had his hand on every piece of this situation - from spontaneously giving Caleb a job change that wasn’t physical so as to burst the clot while throwing Target boxes, to having an unexplainable cancelled Chiropractic appt that could have been fatal. And that’s not to mention the incredible work God did in using this situation to minister to others and strengthen the faith of the church seeing God move through prayer.

Its been just over two months now and Caleb is doing amazing and can clearly feel the absence of the clot. This situation was life changing for us. It has rocked our faith and reshaped my prayer life.

Before this event, anytime someone asked for prayer or I saw a post on social media presenting the need of so and so, I would acknowledge it, feel sad but then move on. Unless I was extremely close to the person in need, I rarely stopped to bring it to God. Now, that has all changed.

I don’t care who it is, what the need is, how I hear of it, or how far removed the person is from me- when a prayer request is presented to me for anyone, anywhere, I stop what I am doing and get on my knees for that need immediately. Because it works.

We were told of thousands of people who had prayed for us. Friends of friends, literally all over the globe stopped and prayed for Caleb that weekend; it has utterly blown us away.

If you are one of those people who prayed for my husband, I don’t even have the words, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for stopping in your day to bring his life before God. Thank you over and over again, it is because of your prayers that my family is healthy and whole.

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And that, in a very long nutshell, has been our 2020. Highs, lows and highs. I find myself catching my breath all the time when I realize what God is his goodness has done for us in this year alone.

That is my update and that’s where I’ll end it for today. I’m not sure when I’ll get a chance to write next thanks to the babies but for now, my hope is that you leave this post so aware and thanking God for every seen and unseen piece of His grace and goodness that it covering your life.

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The words from Travis Green’s song “Made a way” have been on repeat in my heart.

“You move mountains. You cause walls to fall. In your power you do miracles. There is nothing that’s impossible. I’m standing here only because you made a way.”

“Don’t know how but you did, you made a way. Don’t know why but I’m grateful, you made a way.”